madhvi speaks

In a world, where most of us hold peace and harmony close to our hearts, why does humanity falter every now and then? We have drawn borders all over us, and have made them indelible; so much so that we do not even think twice before using a harsh word or two for a friend, a stranger or family as long as we become all the more full of ourselves.

I have been troubled with a peculiar thought for quite sometime. Are men only the perpetrators of abuse, violence, chauvinism and discrimination? How much do we know about the side of a male victim's story. 

Then a Project followed..

Lakshya,  Baroda,Gujarat                                                                                                                    Date:25/02/2013

I stare with wonder as she enters the room clad in a slim fit blue top paired with black denims. Not a hair out of place…a voice echoes inside my brain. Her eyes are dazzling blue and she wears a stunning smile. She sits beside me and passes me a quick glance. I smile and inquire about the color of her eyes. She smiles and tells me that those are contacts.

She is sitting very close to her friend. Both are transgenders. The Manager joins us on the floor. They start talking together, leaving me feeling a little haywire. My friend remains attentive. I try to make meaningful conversation. Madhvi is the fifth person I am talking to in Lakshya, but the first transgender. After, the Manager whispers to them in audible voices about my project, they get a little skeptical. They don’t want anybody to discover their real identity. ‘Business is difficult’ they murmur. I assure them that we have their best interests at heart and we will not do anything to damage their way of life in any way, small or large.

As soon as the manager says something about financial abuse, she jumps up and says, ‘we undergo immense financial abuse; severe exploitation occurs in the Gharana (referring to the place where all the transgenders and eunuchs live together). If someone decides to join the ‘ transgender’ community, she will have to follow three kinds of occupation:

a      collecting money when a child is born

b      dancing in marriages

c      begging

Whatever she earns goes to her Master. Once she is castrated, her life and everything related to her is under the control of her Master. She does not have a say in anything anymore. She cannot even go back home anymore. She has to act according to the rules of her Master.

‘There are caste and religious disparities even in the community. I underwent immense financial and physical abuse there. I could not keep a penny to myself, or wear the clothes of my choice. I had to cook, do all the household chores, and even go out to beg. It was so difficult.’

Hijras have to experience immense trauma in life. They cannot fall ill, they cannot suffer from dangerous diseases; if they take a house loan, the Master will ensure that they pay it back with interest. If they are deemed unfit for employment, their debts raise sky high and they fall prey to very serious trouble.

We are interested about how do they fulfill their sexual needs because from what she speaks about communities, their rules don’t permit sex at all. She smiles and says that most hijras resort to befriending Autorickshaw walas, drivers and electricians who come over to their homes for work. If a transgender is caught having sex with anybody, they can be brutally punished and penalized with a fine of Rs 50,000.

The Gharana also imposes other restrictions of not wearing make-up, and having to wear a sari all the time wherever she goes.

But Madhvi managed to evade castration somehow and decided to seek employment. Today she works as a Field Officer in Lakshya Trust in Baroda. She lives with her boyfriend and has plans of changing her gender very soon. We ask her about why would she want to change her gender since she can do anything  that she wants even now; she shrugs and replies ‘Because I want to get it. I just want it done’. She does not meet her parents anymore.

She unnerves me by saying ‘there is no place for us in a heterosexual community; there is only one place where we can earn our living, the Gharana and even that life is too full of difficulties for us. This is more than what we can deal with.‘

I realized that the problem is almost the same even among us. It is not something peculiar to people like Madhvi. We are most vulnerable when we are unsure of our identity, of who we are in this overwhelmingly wide world. When we start with that kind of confusion, life always takes the better of us.

 

She asked me if I could meet her again and held my hand for a long time. I let the warmth fill me and nodded looking at her.